Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Next 4 years
Dear Mr. (unofficial since absentee ballots have not been counted yet) President...I hope (pun intended) you prove me wrong. In the next 4 years that will be 4 of the most important years of my life as I plan to establish my career, get my bearings financially and start to set my life up to have a family and live my American dream, it will be one hell of a task for me to do so. The money I work my ass off to earn means little as so much of it is taken away, the career I’ve spent my whole life attaining is slowly slipping away since I am being strangled by sans laissez faire, the burdensome taxes on individuals and businesses leave little room for job growth, trillions in debt make it near impossible for me to get a loan of any kind to help establish my future and the housing market is gloomy - where will I go to raise my future family? I hope and pray I do not have to wait until I am almost 30 to begin my life and my dreams. I’ve worked for 24 years to get myself where I want to be and I have a right as an American to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and you sir, are slowly denied me of all of those. I pray, that the hard working American people continue to work hard though they reap little of what they sow, I pray the national debt that is out of the people’s hands starts to diminish and I pray that we find ways to create jobs and clean alternative energy sources here on our own soil. The candidate whom I thought would best do this conceded very graciously so now it’s time for me to figure things out because I refuse to throw in the towel for the next 4 years. He was not the president I elected but I respect the system and he is the president I will have as I continue to build my future. Congress is still extremely divided and I hope everyone of them can put themselves and their parties aside to get some business done because the future of the American people lie in their hands. I survived the past 4 years mainly because of my own will and determination and I will do it again
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Health Insurance
I would like to give a BIG middle finger to every health insurance company in existence....thank you for not giving a shit if people live or die, wait - thank you for not giving a shit if non-out.the.ass.rich people live or die....y'all are hiding the cure for cancer I'm positive and it makes me sick to my stomach thinking of all the passion and money spent to raise money for cures and the hope these people have in "doctors" but they're just as bad, most of them at least....and it makes me sick that my first thought along with others is "what's this gonna cost" not "will this save my life"?
Monday, February 27, 2012
the 1% of society leaves a 1% tip...
Absolutely DISGUSTING!!!! most servers are in-between jobs, in school to get a better job, trying to get back on their feet, overcoming some huge adversity.....very few actually settle for a serving position unless it's at a very high end restaurant....get your head out of your ass wealthy banker
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
My Real Dreams
Growing up, all I wanted was to be famous. I wanted to defy the odds, prove my doubters wrong, follow my dreams and actually achieve them. My parents are the ones who believed in me, told my anything was possible and I believed it too. I wanted so much to do bigger and better things and go far beyond anyone’s expectations of me.
At a young age I promised myself I would never, ever, no matter what let anyone stand in my way, especially a man. I knew that life and that path would take an abundance of hard work, passion and a tremendous amount of courage. What I didn’t know, was the importance of people and relationships. I was so willing to throw them all aside to get what I wanted and what I thought would bring happiness and satisfaction to my life. I didn’t think I would ever be one to get married and have kids, for some reason unknown I felt God didn’t have those plans in the cards he had dealt me. Then, after some life experiences what I found was that nothing in the world matters more than people. I found that the same hard work, passion and courage I thought would drive my career and my life goals, turned out to be exactly what it takes to love.
Love is the most powerful and complex word in the English language, in any language. Jesus wasn’t playing around when he said, “…now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13). I came to understand that beyond all my strengths was the greatest gift God gave me, the capacity to love. To love at all levels and love so hard it could bring me to my knees in tears, both bad and good. I came to realize, after a certain person was brought into my life, the dreams and goals I had grown up with - changed. These changing desires began long ago but they confused me and deterred me from my original goals so I ignored them. When my life started veering away from these ambitions I thought I had given up on them, which broke my heart. Then I realized, my broken heart wasn’t from failing to achieve my dreams, it was from failing to chase the real dreams that were buried in my soul.
It took a time of depression and desperation for God to show me who I really am and what I truly want out of life. And I want love. I want true, pure, strong love. I want the love that comes only from a genuine marriage; I want to give the love that only a mother can give. I want to make a difference in small-town America and show people grace, the same grace that's granted from the heavens. I want to live on the land not in a big city full of “opportunity”. I don’t want to lay down at night with a thriving career, I want to lay down next to my best friend, my soul-mate, my ezra kenegdo. The glitzy lifestyle I thought I wanted turned into simplicity. Nothing makes me happier than the feeling of sunshine on my face, the breeze tangling my hair, the smell of the trees and the flowers, the fit of my cowgirl boots, the dirt on my hands from a hard days work, having the unspeakable bond that only humans and animals can have move through my body, seeing God work in unimaginable ways, and standing next to someone and without a touch, look or a word feeling loved. It took me a while to see I didn’t have to give up being a person of influence and inspiration with a simple life – rather it is the simplicity that influences and inspires me to be the person that I want to be, the person I was made to be.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
New York Dreams
- get local fire stations to have paid positions
- volunteer at an animal/dog shelter (application submitted)
- lose 15 pounds
- participate in adult sport league(s)
- participate in events that support the causes I am passionate about
- reduce, reuse, recycle!
- get back to the barn
- learn to confidently ski
- play all 18 holes at Oak Hill
- spoil Ashley's baby
- drive a jet-ski
- learn guitar
- go on a vacation/adventure alone
- pray more
- more to come....
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Trifecta the Twentysomethings search for
Saw this link via facebook....came to me at a good time when I needed some understanding. Just got one of the most awesome opportunities I could ever ask for so I'm somewhat eased knowing I'm not the only one who feels similar to this article .
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Case of the Januaries
January 1 = hangover
January 2 = heart broken
January 3 = car broken
I don't think I want to get out of bed tomorrow.....2011 was not my favorite year and so far 2012 has started off pretty similar to it =/
Monday, January 2, 2012
I don't know anymore...
I'm a sad, sad girl today.
I have so many blessings I don't know why I let certain things affect me so much. Actually, I know why - it's because these things revolve around love which to me is the only thing that matters at the end of the day. I don't ask for much and I don't need much. I am so confused. I love my friends for their support but I don't want to hear "new year, new you!" I don't want a new me, I like me and I like who I am, I've come a long way and taken many strides to improving myself and I just don't understand how not one person wants to get to truly know me with good intentions. I have a lot to offer - I know I'm not perfect: I'm not the skinniest, the prettiest or even the smartest but I have value and can be lovable. I just want to know when it'll be my time to be happy. I've been waiting, not always patiently, but for the most part and people tell me to focus on myself which I don't disagree with, but I've done that. I focused on me in high school and through the majority of college and even some time after college. I'm done with that - I know who I am, I know what I believe in and I know for the most part what I want out of life...
I don't want to live for just me, that's not who I am. I am tired and sad of being alone. I've been through a lot in my life and it's broken me down, I don't know how much more I can through alone. I don't like to be alone, I fall asleep every night with the TV on because then I don't feel so alone. I used to worry too much about things that happened but I'm so easy-going now and there are so many things I want to say and so many emotions trapped in my heart, but for the sake of others and me knowing that what I've done in the past doesn't work for the good of anyone, I'm keeping all of it inside and I hurt. Most of me wants some answers and the rest of me knows it won't do any good to seek those. I'm trying (and yes I need to do better) to trust God and stay hopeful but right now I can't seem to get there. I feel like it's a broken record of you're not good enough and you'll never know why.
Hopefully the past continues to repeat itself but then that just results in people coming around when it's too late but it also has lead to something a little better than I had before. "Sometimes God doesn't take something from your grasp to punish you, but merely open your hand to receiving something better." I can't think of what could be better (well, actually Tim Tebow would beat out a lot of things but we all know as much as I want that to happen it won't). I try to not look for it where it's not supposed to be in my life. Most of the time, it does start to come when I least expect it so I have heeded that advice. There is nothing more I can do besides what I have been doing - waiting. "Love is patient, love is kind..."{1 Corinthians}. It just gets frustrating and painful, especially when I'm semi-blindsided and have no answers or rationalities to comprehend. I'm doing the best I can and honestly, I think it's better than a lot of people (okay, females) in my position. I am so patient, respectful, understanding, loving, fun, witty, easy-going and honest - all I want in return is for a chance. I just want someone to take a true chance (not a sample) on me, it may not end like either of us expected, if it ends at all, but you won't be disappointed.
I have only loved a very small few in my life and sadly never said it to them, mostly because I knew they didn't feel the same. Of all the love I give, I get little in return. I usually don't expect anything back when I give but love is like energy sometimes. I can only give so much before it's used up and there's nothing left. Though Jesus has taught me there is no such thing as too much love. Everything comes in time I know....but dear time - I'm kind of feed up with your games and your inability to work out thus far, sincerely ~Erin
I have so many blessings I don't know why I let certain things affect me so much. Actually, I know why - it's because these things revolve around love which to me is the only thing that matters at the end of the day. I don't ask for much and I don't need much. I am so confused. I love my friends for their support but I don't want to hear "new year, new you!" I don't want a new me, I like me and I like who I am, I've come a long way and taken many strides to improving myself and I just don't understand how not one person wants to get to truly know me with good intentions. I have a lot to offer - I know I'm not perfect: I'm not the skinniest, the prettiest or even the smartest but I have value and can be lovable. I just want to know when it'll be my time to be happy. I've been waiting, not always patiently, but for the most part and people tell me to focus on myself which I don't disagree with, but I've done that. I focused on me in high school and through the majority of college and even some time after college. I'm done with that - I know who I am, I know what I believe in and I know for the most part what I want out of life...
I don't want to live for just me, that's not who I am. I am tired and sad of being alone. I've been through a lot in my life and it's broken me down, I don't know how much more I can through alone. I don't like to be alone, I fall asleep every night with the TV on because then I don't feel so alone. I used to worry too much about things that happened but I'm so easy-going now and there are so many things I want to say and so many emotions trapped in my heart, but for the sake of others and me knowing that what I've done in the past doesn't work for the good of anyone, I'm keeping all of it inside and I hurt. Most of me wants some answers and the rest of me knows it won't do any good to seek those. I'm trying (and yes I need to do better) to trust God and stay hopeful but right now I can't seem to get there. I feel like it's a broken record of you're not good enough and you'll never know why.
Hopefully the past continues to repeat itself but then that just results in people coming around when it's too late but it also has lead to something a little better than I had before. "Sometimes God doesn't take something from your grasp to punish you, but merely open your hand to receiving something better." I can't think of what could be better (well, actually Tim Tebow would beat out a lot of things but we all know as much as I want that to happen it won't). I try to not look for it where it's not supposed to be in my life. Most of the time, it does start to come when I least expect it so I have heeded that advice. There is nothing more I can do besides what I have been doing - waiting. "Love is patient, love is kind..."{1 Corinthians}. It just gets frustrating and painful, especially when I'm semi-blindsided and have no answers or rationalities to comprehend. I'm doing the best I can and honestly, I think it's better than a lot of people (okay, females) in my position. I am so patient, respectful, understanding, loving, fun, witty, easy-going and honest - all I want in return is for a chance. I just want someone to take a true chance (not a sample) on me, it may not end like either of us expected, if it ends at all, but you won't be disappointed.
I have only loved a very small few in my life and sadly never said it to them, mostly because I knew they didn't feel the same. Of all the love I give, I get little in return. I usually don't expect anything back when I give but love is like energy sometimes. I can only give so much before it's used up and there's nothing left. Though Jesus has taught me there is no such thing as too much love. Everything comes in time I know....but dear time - I'm kind of feed up with your games and your inability to work out thus far, sincerely ~Erin
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